if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
