so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
