Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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