Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
