That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize