is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
