I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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