the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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