If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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