obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
