Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
