I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
