A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
