Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
