the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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