Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
