What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My balls are so social today.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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