Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
