Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
