We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
