I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
