I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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