I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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