dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
