everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
