I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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