4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Randomize