I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
