:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
