I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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