Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have demons in me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
