that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
