I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
