What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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