capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
