I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
