I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
