i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
