somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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