So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize