Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
