he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
