I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
