You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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