grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
