the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
