I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
