I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
