Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
