I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish my penis had an off switch
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
