I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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