i think my mom watched the whole time
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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