My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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