she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
