my sisters under your porch take her home
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
