god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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