I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
