We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want a musical about memes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
