I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize