New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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