Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize