oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
