Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
