just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
