they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
