I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
