When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
