Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
