the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
