spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
