You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
