I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
