If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
