We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
