Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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