Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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