I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
