Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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