legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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