frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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