I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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