Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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