Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
