Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
