I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The Olympian is in my bed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
